I am addicted to chocolate. I have always been. I will always be. As a child I would spend every last penny of my weekly allowance at the corner store, bingeing on the sweet creaminess. A feeling of excitement pumping through my bloodstream. A craving. A high. A habit.
There came a point recently where my reasoning about chocolate became absurd. As I returned to the fridge for the fourth time, unwrapping, 'I might as well finish the entire bar so I don't do this again tomorrow'.
When I had this thought I was reading The Four Desires, written by Rod Stryker. I made a link. I have this habitual pattern of turning to chocolate, not to savour, but to feed a resistance. I began to notice that when I feel out of control, angry, anxious, frustrated, etc. I unconsciously reach for that rectangular goodness. Something that started so innocently in my past had unfolded quietly as a harmless, insignificant habit. I had to laugh. Feeling inspired, I used this as a yoga practice off my mat. Rod Stryker explains that through creating space by pausing, when you feel the momentum of the habitual action arise, you allow the abundance of the universe to flow through you more easily. "By letting go of a habit and placing an intention into that space vacated by that habit can change your life forever".
So rather than satisfy my impulse, I've learned to stop. Breathe. Feel the emotion. This reflective state is so empowering, especially when you can surrender into it and let it go. Not easy to do at all, seeing as this habit has been with me since childhood, but I am able to use the moment to connect with a higher, grounded force that always resides within me :: Allowing me to change my trajectory.
I definitely still indulge, but while doing so I am mindful of the chocolate itself.